Me, myself and Sigh!

October 6, 2006 § Leave a comment

The world resents an individualist.

And what loud whispers are thrown in rude insensitivity at a person fool enough to be one.

Or is it curious envy?

In an article about book readers, the author quite apologetically confessed to the crime of a book lovers’ assumed snobbery. Quite true, a trespass of aloof trajectory from mundane affairs is consciously committed by a person choosing to expend his time in anti social pursuits. Such isolation of one’s own mind and matter is pretty much a way of turning away from the rest of the world with the intent to consistently ignore its inhabitants and their minds and matters. Ideas, convictions, theories and tangential mind travel are like noisy children who should not be heard or seen. Why bother with transcendental philosophy, hoping to chance upon enlightenment when there is social pressure to climb over others’ backs in the pursuit of some equally elusive success. Unbelievable that any intrinsically smart, socially correct and morally inclined person should indulge in any activity, which winds his internal gears and not the wheels of the clamoring world outside.

Excellent insights into life, though personal meanderings into the subconscious could prove to be, no one going underground is forgiven easy. People demand to be noticed. Like a friend rightly said, “You can’t like yourself too much, people are intimidated by such security.” Unfair and contradictory though it might seem to the mantra of self-help books, insecurity brings people closer than anything else. As long as one is screwed up enough and pathetic enough to resent it, there will always be the security of company if not friendship. Friendship on the other hand is too spontaneous to be based on something as palpable as an insecurity or flaw. Chemistry does not depend on people but personality. Thank god for that, or life would be more depressing than it deserves to be.

Some even take it personally that you would dare insult their existence by your passionate interest in things that do not warrant their particular participation. Some others make the very same things the heart of the relationship aspired to attain the importance of a friendship over time. But a common interest can rarely be good for anything but really good conversation and maybe an extended feeling of mutual contentment at being understood. The initial goodwill due to a similarity in reactions to the same work of art in question is about as important to the subsequent course of a relationship as is the discovery of unspent money in the pockets of a rarely worn pair of jeans. It is fleeting, exhilarating and terrifically satisfying during the dawn of discovery. Eventually parents, friends and peers tend to term one anti social and self obsessed for the very same reasons one is considered unique. How is one unique by being the same as everyone else, behaving and reacting as expected and doing as humans do?

A persona is a mantle too heavy for the living among living. Much too large an expectation rests on the shoulders of a person seeking social solace when in possession of individuality. The fulfillment of such often leads to some ultimate happiness. Most times expectations are tailored like chain store shirts to clothe ones’ existence earlier than the individuality is even roused in one. The only choice left is to resign to oneself. The lonely are probably sad due to a lack of means to recognize any happiness…or maybe it is the loneliness. What an insult though to a single consciousness and the human spirit when made to compete for recognition?

But, solitude is a different tune altogether. An insomniac would vouch for the psychedelic silence.
Some octaves are drowned out by all the other voices and lose their way when played on a public stage.


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