Make mine Irish

August 5, 2008 § Leave a comment

I got my fix yesterday while watching P.S.I love You.

I’ve been looking for a sign. Actively. Something to tell me I’ve survived a phase of my life yet lost nothing at all in the routine murders. Things like “passion” and “zest,” which I always rated above the delusional “success.”

In this life, I’ll never be conventionally successful, a realization that is strangely liberating. Now I’m free to do as I please. But what do I do about the humanity that plagues my existence. Happiness is so personal but it’s incomplete unless you share it with someone… though how do you force someone to stick around long enough till you have earned your rightful share of happiness?

Lately I find people less bothersome, maybe because I’ve become more allowing or the company I keep is becoming less influential on my outlook in life. I like my people… I like my life… I absolutely love my state of mind though. the movie triggered that off. At the mental crossroads of lost love, unrequited/unnecessary new ones and the loss of head count in terms of general friends, I was playing a number game to trick myself out of the truth that I am alone. Going from
Hello, hello. There is no place I cannot go.
to
My mind is muddy but my heart is heavy. Does it show?

As usual, the feeling was out to get me in the now spare behind. But seeing Ireland in digital, Butler behaving like the first boy I noticed that way(ol school pal) triggered something off. I had the feeling that a plug was connected back at the right spot in my heart. And bingo, the lights are a-sparkling. Love may happen, life may suck, people may leave and will certainly… but i know. So

Give me reason but don’t give me choice.
‘Cause I’ll just make the same mistake again.

Time for my Irish I say!

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