August 25, 2008 § Leave a comment

I saw. I thought I was seen. And I was thrilled because of a situation I constructed in my head. I’m fairly sure I’m a. Bored b. Unoccupied c. Passively hormonal. Or there really is a vibe going on that my ESP has picked up on.

I’ve finallly accepted that one of me is a 13 year old shy teen. Coming to this conclusion itself took forever. Then, there’s the acting on instinct bit. Pffft! Agreed that I wanted something juvenile, I think I bargained for too much, my id is throwing tantrums like a pouty puppy as I lay prey to moods of elation and depression to suit my delusional situation. It’s all in the head really.

Feeling stupid is a major activity in my life and it comes easier to me than being pretty or interesting or even positive about things; stuff I need to learn how to do fast or the voices in my head will guide me off a hilltop (handy location). Hear the sound of the garbage truck… that’s me covered in yellowing insecurity and fungified paranoia. Subtelty and good manners being my most treasured inheritance, I dont see how I’ll get around to charming a total stranger now that I’ve admitted I want to.

Why again is this supposed to be exciting? Must be some need us females have for masochism. Or time pass. Atleast my friends are entertained… well, I’ll continue waiting till I evaporate or something.


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