Should sleep more

March 31, 2009 § Leave a comment

Wear a pair of new shoes and walk around in the slushy unswept parts of a muddy path, then trudge across the most pristine church ‘s corridor. Keep going till you know you’ve ruined the whole place and yourself while you struggled to get out the doorway. It might describe my embarrassment and confusion over most of yesterday. What fragility and lack of resilience!

Undue attention to some delusions of self importance led to a very educative yet heart breaking sequence of events, that are not even definitive enough to pen down (well type out I guess). You know, some days you look out the window and say, this day I give you because you deserve to gloat about your life. Go ahead cabbage head, indulge your need for exaltation with other people who think you’re a nice person. It works well, given distance (larger implies more affection), convenience (normal circumstances only allow them to give you attention you think you deserve) and of course ceteris paribus as long as we’re talking theories.

See, happiness is a baby, born out of the culmination of some orgy in my head which involves belief and arduous declarations of admiration. Not so. It must be an immaculate conception. An asexual by product of the delusional beauty I see in strange events.

I left that baby crying its damn head off all day. I kept expecting the doorbell to ring and nobody looked in. I locked the door and heard its tired sniffing lulling it to sleep.

I simply chose to ignore it.

Resigned myself to tuning out to a TV like situation where everyone said everything and meant nothing.

Now, why would one feel that any day should mean anything at all, why should it be a function of what other beings say or do? It is after all a reminder that these affection coupons are limited and rationed. The soul curry is always a little too fattening and a just a little cold when the wind blows into that window where the baby sleeps.


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