Stay. Faraway, so Close

July 30, 2009 § Leave a comment

One thing I’ve learned in my extended middle age, if you care enough tell the person what you think. I mean, supportive is fine if its a broken leg, not if its insistence on jumping off a cliff. If someone you care about can’t see what he needs to do, and you think you do, be stronger, braver and more importantly focused on him enough to speak the truth. There are times you kid about it, laugh about it, cry and whine about it but what about him then? When does someone think about the person in the equation?

Caring is based on friendship, kinship and belonging beyond doubt. It is taking possession of another’s well being to the extent you seek responsibility for the person. A friend will forgive you, and remember that you were driven by caring and love; especially if you had the balls to call him a pig whiling in his share in the mire of life. A fact most people forget that their erstwhile significant other is a friend too, just because  bodily fluids, hormones and certain romantic insecurities get in the way of having the courage to do what is right for the person.

It is always easy to stay detached,  step back and pat a person affectionately or empathize even. Getting involved is not making another’s problem yours, but taking the effort to find a solution  as if it was yours. Anyone who matters, at least in my understanding of the people who matter, should be able to shake me harder when necessary simply because they are closer. It is the right of anyone close enough to see the mess and if they don’t use it, they are in some ways both insulting my faith in the relationship and failing themselves by hoarding their ability to respond (hence responsibility).

If you care, be ready to get slapped for it. Caring is creepy as the Eels put it, simply because it is twice the exposure. For yourself, and the person you care about. And it only multiplies as your network/networth of caring people grows. If the multiplier here is the goodwill then the responsibility of nourishing it also lies within that existent community of people who think for each other as much as about each other.

So, when do you cross the line into interference?  When the expectation enters into the picture and you think they owe you for your caring. Stay then, if you will. Stay but keep that one inch of self, out of reach and undiscovered by caring. Your one inch of freedom, the truly selfish, unapologetic, indulgent individual in you, forever untouched by the need to care or capable of response to anything but you. Stay far away up to that one inch, stay a single heartbeat, a whisper, a touch, a glance, a thought away; just enough to be separate from the ones you love most. Why? Only to survive the perils of being too close to another volatile, transient mortal.
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You are currently reading Stay. Faraway, so Close at Pocketful of matters grey.

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